I’d like to share the truth about myself and some of the painful experiences I’ve had. Not long ago I invested in a project and failed. This invitation seemed like a possibility for me to finally settle down and do what I’m here for and really want, but left me with nothing more than bank loans that only doubled the payouts I already had. During this time I also lost my new work and only current income, which after months of dispair finally forced me to beg for welfare. In trust of the future in this financial project I was unfortunate and stupid enough to have already burnt all my savings on a vacation.
The Law of Attraction is nothing new to me. I’ve known about it, among all the other universal Laws, since I was in my late teens. This was in the early nineties, long before “The Secret-trend”. By then this was still kind of odd to believe in on the mainstream. What I discovered during this hard time is that there are certain times that I do not recommend any kind of participation with this kind of information. Tired, depressed, broke and out of direction, I had not only lost some but all of my motivation. Everything was dark. Everything was taken away from me, my passion, inspiration, and almost my faith in anything. Even my beloved stereo, enjoying music - the only simple amusement I had left, also let me down because I had no money to fix it. Above all this I was so terribly frightened that I thought that my teeth was going to fall out of my mouth, and they literally did. I have lost one tooth that was aching those harsh months when I couldn’t afford the dentist, and I can tell you there have been times that I have wondered if I was going to even be able to chew my own food anymore.
Bombarded with all these “achieve your dreams-messages” on my email, I was becoming only more depressed, day by day, for wanting so much, to live and to share, but being and seeing myself so terribly lost and cut off. With the awareness I had, I realized that I was in a severely hazardous condition, which only made the situation even more severe and frightening. You can always be and know that you are grateful, but during a depression it’s impossible to actually feel that gratitude. That’s why affirmation or visualization didn’t work for me at that point. I had nothing left to give. I wasn’t motivated to receive. The sparkle just simply wasn’t there - at all, and I had no idea how to find it. That is absolute misery. This is when I understood that the only person that could save me, was me. I wondered if I was going to lose my mind when one Mastermind Coach asked me why I had to do this on my own, because I didn’t even have an answer for it then. I just knew. At this point I could have just given up and lost myself forever. And with the knowledge I had, information or advice was the least thing I needed, or even to talk about it at all with anyone. That would only drain me. Couldn’t paint or write myself out of this condition either. I was far too distressed.
But now, seeming not to want anything, I was even beginning to feel ashamed for feeling what I did, wanting to make it on my own, climbing my mountains, fording my own streams and finding my own dreams. I just had to let myself do that. That’s all I needed to do. To listen. In order to listen properly, you need complete silence. I believe we all have a radio receiver-transmitter inside us telling what our path and decisions really is. No one can do this for you and there is no right or wrong here. While I may have 95.0 Megahertz you might have 107.8 Megahertz, and our only task is to find the answer for the question: What is my music within? It’s so easy to lose connection and not be tuned in with our enormous flow of information and everything that’s happening aroud us everyday. At this vulnerable state, information will only be noise and disturbances on your radio. You need to be tuned in first so you can sing *your music* out loud. Of course, this is just my experience, so you will have to take your own stand whether this feels true for you or not as well. But watch out for the codependency out there. Nobody can judge you for being resistant, stubborn, unwilling or lazy for not being able to recieve their help. Others can only support you, but you have to do the work, including the hardest one - daring to be honest with yourself.
In critical moments like these, I know many people give up on their lives. All I can say is, never never ever give up. There is somehow always a way out, no matter how hopeless or helpless the situation seems or feels. I exercised myself out of my personal crisis. It helped me through the day, each day. It helped me sleep at night. It distracted my so primitive fears. With the adrenalin frustration I was going through, I think I would have gotten very ill if it wasn’t for this, and this is my only recommendation. When most body/mind/spirit-teachers talk about how you can achieve physical wellness through different mental processes, I had to do it in the opposite direction, since I found myself suffering from a complete mental and spiritual “burn out”, and the point is, it works. In the very silence and emptiness of my mind, I’m still recovering. Find your Favourite Physical Exercise. Buy your favourite equipment while you can afford it, because you might have use for it one day even if you aren’t inspired to move right now. This is an investment in yourself. It’s the far oldest, proven, simplest, most polite and completely harmless method ever. No risk, no side effects, if you wisely enjoy yourself doing it and do it on your own conditions. Anyone with a functional body can move something, even if you are on painkillers. You’ll understand how much this heals when you start making this an everyday lifestyle. The rewards are priceless, the relaxation and natural meditation that automatically comes with it, and the movement is free. In fact there is also a lot of exercise that is already completely natural and free. If you have stairs, walk them. If you have a job, walk there. If you have a bike, use it. If you have a functional radio - dance!
I can still remember how much I hated the sports lessons in school. It has haunted and followed me until now these last years. What I now understand is that the prestige during the schoolyears made me associate all kind of exercise with stress and defeat. I’d just love to inspire you how I have independently learned and grown to associate exercise with pleasure, deep fulfillment and joy instead. That’s why you naturally will only want more and more of it. It helps you through defeat. Makes you master anything. Nothing can replace it, no book, no pill, no short cut or quick fix what so ever.
* What I have recalled is that the energy that everyone out there is talking about is nothing else but - pure love. The heart of everything, the motor of every atom, motion and emotion. This knowledge can not be understood intellectually in any kind of program, university, belief system or script. It’s a mystery that has to be revealed beyond words, goals, control or willpower through human experience within each one of us.*
The real secret - everything is love. Has always been, will always be. Which means your dreams awaits you. We tend to forget important things sometimes. Like creation is constantly re-experiencing its own beauty through evolution, maybe we sometimes have to do our own little adventures just to discover and be reminded and solidify in our hearts the beauty of this universial truth.
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